Here's what's happening in news today:
The opera "HMS PINAFORE" shall be premiering at Meredith College tonight at 8 amid great excitement amongst the cast, crew, students, and people who still haven't figured out what the hell "HMS" stands for. In a related story, scenic designer, builder, and all-around superman Curt Tomczyk was found under his desk in the fetal position today by two freshman who promptly and decisively panicked. We here at FaceBook News wish them all a speedy recovery.
In other news, Meredith students, especially freshmen, are returning to their homes for the weekend both to recover from the traumatic earthquake incident here on campus, and to prepare (freak out) for the upcoming rain. In a related story, Meredith College is encouraging all students to sign up to receive MC Alert texts and e-mails. So far, student response has overwhelming as the few student with common sense demand to know why, with all the personal information Meredith College demands from us upon initial registration, the college is unable to simply automatically place its students on the MC Alert list.
In other news, research has found that Stephanie has far too much free time on her hands. Scientists recommend that she either be placed back in the scene shop with mountains of work to do, or put in a room like a mattress with a jacket that makes her hug herself. Students have been flooding the polls with their votes, along with the one or two male voters who stated that she should be in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, then promptly chuckled to themselves for that bit of original humor. They then returned to their mothers' basements to masturbate and cry.
In other news, the Belk Dining Hall is serving fish and chips. Students everywhere are rejoicing with music and dancing, as well as banners proclaiming "It doesn't suck!!!" and "It's edible!!!" We would like to congratulate Belk Dining Hall, though we wonder why they cannot make all of their food edible, so that we don't have to spend textbook money on McDonald's and CookOut.
In more entertainment news, LeGrand Smith and Angel Skye, epic costume designers for "HMS PINAFORE" have announced that they have recovered from their massive stress anxiety. They wish to thank all Meredith students, especially our readers, for their well-wishes. We here at FaceBook news wish to announce that we are pleased with their recovery and cannot wait to have them back.
In other news, rehearsals for "The Tempest" began this week, though were slightly modified due to "HMS PINAFORE" rehearsals. Stage manager Meredith Davis reports that rehearsals with the full company shall begin this Monday, August 29 at 7PM. When reached for a statement, director Steven Roten was quoted as saying "Babida-GHEE!!!" Our translators have yet to figure out the meaning behind that statement.
Stay tuned for more on what's happening around campus, as we here at FaceBook News strive to keep you up to date!
No comments:
Post a Comment