On the topic of blasphemy...

Before I begin this commentary, I would like to clarify that this post was not created for the encouragement of perverting sacred and religious items, people, quotes, or ideals. There will be no encouragement of robbing the offering plate, recommendations of pissing on Buddah statues, or claims that Keanu Reeves is the most multi-dimensional actor who ever lived (Well, from me, at least because I certainly can't speak for my two or three readers out there.). That being said, I have been thinking a lot about blasphemy lately.

No, I have no desire to graffeti a statue of Jesus with my feces (although statues of Lot are fair game for me, but that is a completely different story), I am just curious about what we, as humans with some education on the subject of religion, consider to be "blasphemous". This specific thought came to mind after completing an assignment for my costume class where we were asked to choose an emotionally-charged word and design a costume around it. We would then all gawk at each others' drawings, fumble around for words to describe how we "feel" about it, then be overtaken with dread as the group inched ever closer to our own drawing.

Once they came to my drawing (which depicted blasphemy, obviously), and after my ego was suitably stroked and my gut-wrenching fears allayed, people began to comment on how to enhance the drawing to further depict my word. I was surprised with how many suggestions sounded more goth-like to my ears. A spiked collar, or a converse with pentagrams doesn't sound blasphemous to me because I don't perceive a Converse as sacred (although the tween group that worships Converse Sneakers may disagree with me on that, but that's fine because we all know that tweens are not people but meat sacks full of nothing but hormones).

So, I began to wonder, what does blasphemy mean to me? In my drawing, it took the form of a sexy nun with an upside-down cross on her slinky dress, but I could still think of some other examples of it. Printing Bible verses on toilet paper, for example, seems pretty blasphemous to me. It would, however, make for some fun conversation:

"Honey, I need some toilet paper."

"Well, we have Acts, Genesis, Matthew, Revelations-"

"Yeah, well, I kinda had Mexican food for lunch, so..."

"Oh! Then you want Exodus!"

*Side note: I call dibs on the copyrights idea because I am very seriously considering starting a chain of Houswear items specifically for atheists, not because I am in any way atheistically-inclined, but because I know that "trend" atheists will rush to own anything with a clever little quip that gives them a holier-than-thou feeling over the stupid religious folk. On that note, do atheists get "holier-than-thou" feelings? I thought the whole purpose of atheism was to be UNholier-than-thou...so, what do they call it when an atheist is having overly and undeserved smug feelings of superiority?

Back to the original topic, though, it really does surprise me how different my view of blasphemy is. Does anyone else feel the way I do about it? Why do people associate gothic-style with blasphemy? Why do we tolerate certain levels of blasphemy for the sake of art? Would we be so tolerant if the blasphemy was OF art? I mean, nobody's even TRIED to kill Keanu Reeves yet...

Today in Weather...

Search and rescue teams are working at a furious pace to rescue the people stuck in the flooding caused by Hurricane Irene. We here at ByrddogNews applaud their valiant efforts and wish them luck in their rescue attempts. We certainly know that they would rater be home with their families.

We would also like to wish the poor souls trapped in the waters a safe return from the water. As the rescue teams work tirelessly to safe them, we hope that they were trapped performing absolutely imperative tasks such as swimming, surfing, and skateboarding: noble pursuits that any person would risk life and limb to pursue. We know for a fact that the rescue workers are more than happy to leave their family at home to rescue such noble and brave thrill-seekers. This reporter, for instance, is more than happy to pay out her college fund in order to fund these rescue attempts. Yes, the money was needed to pay for college, but I believe that the safety of these prime examples of Darwinism is far more important.

And as to the allegations that "these dumbasses deserve to be left out there for doing such stupid shit in the middle of a hurricane," I say shame on you all! The art of thrill-seeking has been a noble and just pursuit ever since Biblical times, when brave souls played dodgeball at Sodom and Gomorrah. Anyone who believes that such noble and brave souls should not be rewarded for their efforts by tax-funded rescues is not only wrong, they're a communist.

And that's the weather today.

Random thought

I wonder how confusing phone sex would've been during the days of the telegraph.

"Harder STOP Deeper STOP Don't stop STOP"

This week at Meredith

Here's what's happening in news today:

The opera "HMS PINAFORE" shall be premiering at Meredith College tonight at 8 amid great excitement amongst the cast, crew, students, and people who still haven't figured out what the hell "HMS" stands for. In a related story, scenic designer, builder, and all-around superman Curt Tomczyk was found under his desk in the fetal position today by two freshman who promptly and decisively panicked. We here at FaceBook News wish them all a speedy recovery.

In other news, Meredith students, especially freshmen, are returning to their homes for the weekend both to recover from the traumatic earthquake incident here on campus, and to prepare (freak out) for the upcoming rain. In a related story, Meredith College is encouraging all students to sign up to receive MC Alert texts and e-mails. So far, student response has overwhelming as the few student with common sense demand to know why, with all the personal information Meredith College demands from us upon initial registration, the college is unable to simply automatically place its students on the MC Alert list.

In other news, research has found that Stephanie has far too much free time on her hands. Scientists recommend that she either be placed back in the scene shop with mountains of work to do, or put in a room like a mattress with a jacket that makes her hug herself. Students have been flooding the polls with their votes, along with the one or two male voters who stated that she should be in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, then promptly chuckled to themselves for that bit of original humor. They then returned to their mothers' basements to masturbate and cry.

In other news, the Belk Dining Hall is serving fish and chips. Students everywhere are rejoicing with music and dancing, as well as banners proclaiming "It doesn't suck!!!" and "It's edible!!!" We would like to congratulate Belk Dining Hall, though we wonder why they cannot make all of their food edible, so that we don't have to spend textbook money on McDonald's and CookOut.

In more entertainment news, LeGrand Smith and Angel Skye, epic costume designers for "HMS PINAFORE" have announced that they have recovered from their massive stress anxiety. They wish to thank all Meredith students, especially our readers, for their well-wishes. We here at FaceBook news wish to announce that we are pleased with their recovery and cannot wait to have them back.

In other news, rehearsals for "The Tempest" began this week, though were slightly modified due to "HMS PINAFORE" rehearsals. Stage manager Meredith Davis reports that rehearsals with the full company shall begin this Monday, August 29 at 7PM. When reached for a statement, director Steven Roten was quoted as saying "Babida-GHEE!!!" Our translators have yet to figure out the meaning behind that statement.

Stay tuned for more on what's happening around campus, as we here at FaceBook News strive to keep you up to date!